Emotional Independence

Emotional Independence is a key concept and foundation of the Happiness Habit, we'll explain it briefly here.

Many people allow their circumstances, experiences and external environment determine their feelings, outlook and moods. When things are going great they feel great. When things are going poorly, they feel bad.

These people tend to look outside of themselves for sources of happiness: to other people, to exciting experiences, external sources and signs of power, success and prestige. Advertizers and retailers love them.

When things are going great they feel great because their feelings of happiness and well-being are determined by what is happening to them and around them.

We use the term Situational Happiness to describe people who are happy because their lives are going well . They are riding a situational high that is often temporary. When things turn bad or when they aclimate and adjust to their new improved situations, their happiness and high often disappears.

To some extent we are all this way. It is not bad or unhealthy to respond emotionally to our environment and experiences. They key is the extent to which we depend upon our external circumstances for happines and the extent to which we let our external circumstances determine our feelings, outlook and mood.

The Happiness Habit does not avocate nor do we feel it is healthy to be completely detached and unaffected by our experiences and environment. Such perspectives easily embrace denial and become delusional.

Emotional Independence is very different. Emotional Independence involves concious decisions not to depend upon or rely on our external environment and experiences to define and determine our moods, attitudes, outlooks and perspectives.

We say, enjoy success and triumphs but don't be dependent upon them for your happiness and well-being.

For those of you who have read Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, this is not unlike the concept of Spiritual Freedom he described amist the horrors of Auschwitz.

We found habitually happy people defined themselves, they had clear and compelling ideas of the sort of people they wanted to be and become. Part of their vision and ideals are happiness and spiritual success. They worked to become that happy, spiritually successful person they wanted to be no matter what was happening to them or around them.

This leads to a key Happiness Habit credo:

If we don't decide what sort of person we want to be and become and then work to become that person, our environment and our experience determine both our identity and our destiny for us. They may not always serve us well.

Emotional Independence and the Happiness Habit

Habitually Happy people know how they like to feel. They like to feel good and on top of their game all of the time. They like to be and try to be energized, Up, happy and enthusiastic all of the time.
They continually try to do their best, feel their best and be at their best . This brings them happiness and spiritual success.

They know they are able to perform their best when they are Up energized and happy, so they try to be that way all of the time. This is especially important when they have to deal with dreadful or distasteful disasters.
They know how to choose their moods and their attitudes and they choose to be happy and spiritually successful practically all of the time. All these are key happiness habits.

Emotional Independence means choosing your mood and attitude and not letting your feelings be soley determined by what is happening to you and whatis going on around you. It means not letting outside situations control your feelings. It means enjoying spiritual freedom.

You feel the pain but you don't let the pain define you or determine how you will respond. Emotional Independence offers spiritual freedom and the freedom to choose responses that are best for you.

There's much more to Emotional Independence, we discuss it throughout the Happiness Habit web sites.

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